Laura

Look at my Laura.

She's got that gleam in her eye,

Like she's had fresh blood.

Here's some advice, kid:

Never, ever date drummers.

They all have herpes. 

You're gonna be fine.

I thought George passed away once,

but he was just drunk.

Diagrams fail him,

the diver, lost in the sea,

seeking the oyster.

It's a dream come true!

I got to meet ZZ Top,

Next up, Motley Crue!

Go ahead, princess,

eat all the apples you want,

they help with dwarf breath.