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19 Sep 2018

Model Prisoner

Haiku: 

Zoolander's Blue Steel,

Has nothing on my new look:

Prison Shower Face.

13 Sep 2018

Preparation H

Haiku: 

We're prepped for this storm.

I'm sending paper towels,

And thoughts and prayers.

12 Sep 2018

Tweet Her

Haiku: 

I got a dick pic,

A tiny, orange dick pic.

God, I hate group texts.

28 Aug 2018

Spray on Tantrum

Haiku: 

Keep holding your breath.

Your orange skin won't turn blue,

But the Senate might.

25 Aug 2018
Best Of: 
Haiku: 

Wheels up, final flight.

Visibility: endless.

Godspeed, John McCain.

21 Aug 2018

Grunge Phase

Haiku: 

I'll bury this here,

Right next to my hopes and dreams.

It's better this way.

16 Aug 2018

Bunny Foo Foo

Haiku: 

Don't get too attached.

If that bunny turns out gay,

We'll have to eat it.

14 Aug 2018

Taking Names

Haiku: 

Biden. Joe Biden.

If you can't remember it,

Just ask your girlfriend.

11 Aug 2018

OMFGU2?

Haiku: 

The secret code is:

IWANTTOFUCKYOURDAUGHTER.

Don't tell anyone.

06 Aug 2018

Above the Law

Haiku: 

I know Jui-Jitsu.

I grab pussies all the time.

Trust me, I'm your man.

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