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20 Jul 2017

Collusion

Haiku: 

Don't tell anyone.

My breath smells like Astroglide.

And Putin's jock strap.

17 Jul 2017

Plan B

Haiku: 

I've changed my mind, folks.

Abortion's okay by me.

Just start with this guy.

14 Jul 2017

One in the Hand

Haiku: 

I've been here before.

I've had two Bushes at once,

Like seventy times.

12 Jul 2017

Loosey Fur

Haiku: 

Let's band together,

To exorcise the demon,

Living in his hair.

09 Jul 2017

Force of Habit

Haiku: 

That awkward moment,

When your boss tries to grope you,

And he's your father.

07 Jul 2017

Buzz Cut

Haiku: 

I've been to the moon.

I think it's time we go back,

And leave Trump up there.

04 Jul 2017

The Shituation

Someone call Greenpeace!

A diseased whale beached itself,

On the Jersey shore.

01 Jul 2017

Evil Lotion

Haiku: 

Rare home video:

Ivanka and Eric Trump,

The Jurassic years.

30 Jun 2017

Press Briefing

Haiku: 

They're reversible.

Simply turn them inside out,

And shit out my mouth.

28 Jun 2017

Hothspitality

Haiku: 

Crime in Canada?

We have lightsaber battles,

And huge tickle fights.

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